Every time I think I know exactly who I am and exactly where I stand something knocks me to my knees and it takes awhile for me to build myself back up. Not that I lose my confidence, but there's a new path of discovery to find out who I'm growing into. There are certain things that have never changed... I'd much rather wear sneakers than heels, I've always collected fitted caps, my obsession with sports isn't considered normal for a girl, I have vivid dreams that I can remember for years, and even though I may not always order it... I want the most expensive item on the menu. Priorities change, relationships change, beliefs change, interests change and it's more constant than most people realize. Even things that I thought would be constant in my life... in the blink of an eye... are different.
So rather than try to introduce myself and tell you who I am... I'll just clue you in to who I am right now.
This week, I'm craving my favorite restaurant in my hometown, Mangia. Not just the food, I want a group of my friends sitting around the table sharing a bottle of wine and the stories I've been missing for the past seven months. My playlist has been filled with Lily Allen, Jamie Foxx, Iron & Wine, Forever Jones, and Dolly Parton. I'm amazed by apps on my phone. My hair is cotton candy pink, magenta, purple, and black. I cried the other night because I was worrying why people have been treating me the way they have, but when I woke-up I didn't care. I'm broke. I love God. I plan to spend part of my next paycheck on a carwash and new capri pants. Tonight I'm painting my nails a light yellow color called "Unicorn" but it depends on how tired I am if I paint my toenails.
I want to be alone most of the time, and for the first time in a long time, that's fine. I just want to read and write. Life, although so complex at times, can be very simple when you take the time to sit by yourself. It has been a really long time since I scheduled a "date night" for me, myself.... and I if she feels like being a third wheel.
Things are changing, but that's good. If things never changed I'd still be in Lynchburg. I would have never fallen in love. My heart would never have been broken, and therefore I never would have learned how to truly forgive someone. I would still run from the helpful straight into the arms of hurtful. If things didn't change I'd be a little freckle-faced brunette with a good heart, a bad attitude, and the world on my shoulders. I've taken what I've gotten and grown from it all. I'll never pretend to be perfect, I'd rather be amazing in my imperfections. At least for this week.