Lately I’ve been feeling overwhelmed. It’s like God gave me this vision but I feel like I’m so ill-equipped to carry it out. What do I know about a nonprofit? What do I know about foster kids? How much could I have really ever learned about construction for only working in the business less than a year?
I’m not one to usually doubt myself and especially not God, but the last three weeks have really played into every insecurity I could possibly have. I keep telling God I can’t do this and He keeps sending others to affirm the vision. I even had a talk with my mom the other week to ask her to not question anything I was doing but to constantly encourage me and pray for me. I’m doubting myself enough and I don’t need anyone else to even hint at my insufficiencies. Why would God want me to start and run a nonprofit when the only business I’ve ever run was a nightclub? Maybe He was preparing me for the drama.
I was reading the first chapter of Jeremiah this morning and I knew God was speaking to me. Jeremiah 1:5 says “Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. Before you were born, I set you apart for my holy purpose. I appointed you to be a prophet to the nations.” As I read this it occurred to me how crazy it is that I’ve wanted to adopt kids since I was in preschool. What four year old do you know that even grasps the concept of adoption? God knew before I was born that He would show me this vision one day – God has already appointed me to this nonprofit.
As I read Jeremiah 1:6-8 it became clearer, “I, Jeremiah, said, ‘Almighty Lord, I do not know how to speak. I am only a boy!’ But the Lord said to me, ‘Don’t say that you are only a boy. You will go wherever I send you. You will say whatever I command you to say. Don’t be afraid of people. I am with you, and I will rescue you,’ declares the Lord.” Here I was thinking the whole time that it was all self-doubt and I realized that my insecurity wasn’t the main problem! It was me worrying that other people would doubt and judge me along the way. People can say what they want about me not having experience or about me being the crazy girl with dreams, it’s never stopped me before and now that God is behind me why should it stop me this time?
So I’m preparing myself. I’m putting on the full armor that God has given me and I’m not giving up. In fact, if I hadn’t had this vision I probably wouldn’t have ever thought that I could do this, but God showed me His promise and what it is that He wants me to work toward. He told me in Jeremiah 1:19, “They will fight you, but they will not defeat you. I am with you, and I will rescue you…” No matter what has you doubting yourself lately, and no matter the opposition that crosses your path, know that God will rescue you. He knows exactly where He’s taking you, and so what if people judge you or gossip about you or the enemy stands in your way… they will not defeat you.