|Throwback Birthday pic from 2009!|
Even though lots of the things I wanted by 29 are no longer things on my wishlist, it's the kid thing that can really get me down. And people constantly asking since we got married "So... when's the baby coming?", with expectant smiles and an elbow jab, does nothing but pour salt in the wound. Trust me... I've wanted kids since I was in preschool, if I could pop one out today I would.
Anyway I wasn't getting on here to rant about my lonely womb. I'm writing today about my birthday resolution of sorts. I've noticed that the older I get the more I worry worry worry... about everything! It puts me in a state of constant anxiety and I'm sure it pecks away at my loving husband. But I can't make a resolution to stop worrying, I would fail in the time it takes to pour milk in cereal... oops... is that too much milk?... should i pour in more cereal to even it out?
There aren't really words or rules for my resolution. Just a story:
A few month's ago at the birthday of my favorite pastor's wife bestie (we married-to-the-ministry girls have to stick together) she was telling someone about my wedding and she ended her story by looking at me and saying, "You were the most laid-back bride I've ever been around."
To which my reply was, "Laid-back? Really? Because I definitely didn't feel laid-back!"
|"Get the dress on me before the photographer takes a picture!"|
Lately her words have had me thinking. I don't do well when plans get changed and I get frustrated easily when my expectations aren't met, but during the season of my wedding (and especially the week of) I made sure to guard myself against disappointment. I made the conscious decision that the proverbial show would go on and that I would not let ANYTHING allow me to not enjoy my wedding. Yes, there was drama. Yes, things were forgotten. No, we didn't start on time. No, I didn't get any sleep the night before. And YES, it was unusually frigid for May in Virginia but the day was BEAUTIFUL. So why can't I have that same attitude and determination about this year?
No, plans will not always be kept. Yes, people will hurt and disappointment me. No, I will probably not have a kid before I turn 30. Yes, we still have at least a year left in Tampa. No, we don't own a home. Yes, the bills just keep coming in. No, my home is never clean enough. Yes, the plumbing is still moody. But why let that ruin my year? I want to be that bride again that just lets things roll... for a whole year!
A friend whom I admire greatly (and made our wedding cakes) did a sort of twenty-something bucketlist of all the things she wanted to accomplish before she turned 30. I think I'm going to have to flatter her with my imitation. So maybe that will be my next blog.
Here's to being 29; a year of being a laid-back bride, daughter, sister, auntie, and friend. Here's to letting go and rolling with all the unexpected punches. Here's to focusing on what and who matters most, and letting the rest of it go. <3 <3 <3