Friday, January 24, 2014

365 days till 30!

It's official! Today I turn 29!

Throwback Birthday pic from 2009!
I've been dreading this all week really. In fact I had a mini-breakdown while in the car with the hubby the other day over the fact that I wasn't excited about my birthday this year. I think a lot has set in since our wedding of where I saw myself being at this age and how I'm still just not there. I was sure I'd have a few kids by now, a beautiful starter home, own a pub/laundry mat in a college town, and have a steady career to boot. But as I mentioned in my New Year's Eve blog... these last few months of marriage have thrown us for a loop... not to mention the previous 10 years of my life.

Even though lots of the things I wanted by 29 are no longer things on my wishlist, it's the kid thing that can really get me down. And people constantly asking since we got married "So... when's the baby coming?", with expectant smiles and an elbow jab, does nothing but pour salt in the wound. Trust me... I've wanted kids since I was in preschool, if I could pop one out today I would.

Anyway I wasn't getting on here to rant about my lonely womb. I'm writing today about my birthday resolution of sorts. I've noticed that the older I get the more I worry worry worry... about everything! It puts me in a state of constant anxiety and I'm sure it pecks away at my loving husband. But I can't make a resolution to stop worrying, I would fail in the time it takes to pour milk in cereal... oops... is that too much milk?... should i pour in more cereal to even it out?

There aren't really words or rules for my resolution. Just a story:
A few month's ago at the birthday of my favorite pastor's wife bestie (we married-to-the-ministry girls have to stick together) she was telling someone about my wedding and she ended her story by looking at me and saying, "You were the most laid-back bride I've ever been around."

To which my reply was, "Laid-back? Really? Because I definitely didn't feel laid-back!"

"Get the dress on me before the photographer takes a picture!"
That's when she told me, "No, you were so easy going. You knew the day wasn't going to go perfectly and so every time something came up that could have the potential to ruin your mood you just took a second and figured out a new plan, or just brushed it off. I've never seen a bride like that."

Lately her words have had me thinking. I don't do well when plans get changed and I get frustrated easily when my expectations aren't met, but during the season of my wedding (and especially the week of) I made sure to guard myself against disappointment. I made the conscious decision that the proverbial show would go on and that I would not let ANYTHING allow me to not enjoy my wedding. Yes, there was drama. Yes, things were forgotten. No, we didn't start on time. No, I didn't get any sleep the night before. And YES, it was unusually frigid for May in Virginia but the day was BEAUTIFUL. So why can't I have that same attitude and determination about this year?

No, plans will not always be kept. Yes, people will hurt and disappointment me. No, I will probably not have a kid before I turn 30. Yes, we still have at least a year left in Tampa. No, we don't own a home. Yes, the bills just keep coming in. No, my home is never clean enough. Yes, the plumbing is still moody. But why let that ruin my year? I want to be that bride again that just lets things roll... for a whole year!

A friend whom I admire greatly (and made our wedding cakes) did a sort of twenty-something bucketlist of all the things she wanted to accomplish before she turned 30. I think I'm going to have to flatter her with my imitation. So maybe that will be my next blog.

Here's to being 29; a year of being a laid-back bride, daughter, sister, auntie, and friend. Here's to letting go and rolling with all the unexpected punches. Here's to focusing on what and who matters most, and letting the rest of it go. <3 <3 <3

And what would a birthday be without my girl Dolly?

1 comment:

  1. Love you Rox and miss you bunches!! This is your year and you will take it on and own it with God and Javie @ your back every step of the way! ♡♡♡