Monday, August 29, 2011

Chasing God & Building an Ark

       I haven't written in two weeks. There wasn't much to write about. Not that God hasn't been amazing, because he has... he proves to me everyday exactly how amazing he is. But this week my life changed.

       My plan ever since I was a pre-schooler was to adopt kids. Yes, I want children of my own too but my heart has always ached for the motherless. It wasn't something I ever really talked about. I told my mom once when I was four that I was going to adopt simply because I didn't see any point in bringing more children into the world if there were already so many out there that didn't have parents. My view has changed a bit, but my passion has not. But growing up, I didn't feel like explaining that to anyone so I always just kept my mouth shut. As the girls around me planned their future weddings and picked out baby names, I was busy thinking of how I could become wealthy so I could afford to adopt multiple children. 

       I dedicated the last eight years to chasing fame and fortune. My heart was in the right place, but my mind was taken over by every possible distraction along the way. I would have done just about anything to "make it". There were many times I had to walk away because I realized people were asking too much of me, taking advantage of me, or having expectations of me that I wasn't willing to fulfill. Throughout the battle I became bruised and beaten, lost my direction, and at times... lost hope. But God never lost me.

       I've always had my faith. Even though there have been times I've been angry with God or haven't been able to understand why things didn't seem to work out the way I wanted - I always knew that I wasn't completely alone. But I wasn't willing to give him everything. I had plans. I had dreams. Even though I had messed up along the way I knew God knew that I was out working for a good cause. 

       This past year has been an eye-opening year. Not everything has been great, in fact this has been one of the toughest years ever for me financially. But I decided that God could have everything. It didn't all come at once... I've been taking baby steps. But with each step that I take I become more aware of the little miracles around me. I started writing down my prayers and talking to God whenever I had a chance. I started making business decisions based on prayer and discernment. I started tithing again, cutting coupons, and watching where I was spending what I had been blessed with. I started chasing God and building relationships with other people in the church. And I stopped worrying about the things I knew God would handle for me.

       Like I wrote earlier, this week changed my life. In the middle of a conversation with God I had a vision. A few days later a friend told me she had prayed for me and somebody else that was in the vision. At the end of the week, another friends told me she had a dream... that happened to go hand-in-hand with my vision. Let me let you know I have never had a vision before. And to be quite honest, I thought I was losing my mind. I was embarrassed and reluctant to talk about it because I know a lot of people already think I'm not all there just because of my pink hair. I called a few people when I first had the vision to ask their opinions, and when I would get into conversation later on in the week I felt like God was urging me to share my vision with others. Now, it looks like God is making it clear that in order to be obedient I need to keep sharing the vision as I patiently wait for doors to open. 

       The good news is: God's plan is based on my passion for adoption and fostering. The scary news: it seems like a HUGE task! And there are people involved in this vision that barely know me. So how am I supposed to approach them without scaring them off? But that's when I think of Noah. I picture people laughing at him while he built the ark and questioning how he thought he would move that monstrosity to water. I can see me in his shoes with a hammer in my hand saying "God said build a big boat... so that's what I'm doing. If you've got a problem with it, take it up with the  big guy." 

       I know this won't be easy, and I know there are pieces and people here that only God can put into place but through him, nothing is impossible. I need supporters, I need fundraisers, I need steel-toe boots, and I need your prayers as I begin my "ark". 

1 comment:

  1. You've got my prayers! Thank you so much for sharing this story. You're a great writer. I am excited to hear more about your journey to this point. Let's grab lunch sometime soon.