Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Lose Yourself. Lose Your Hair.

     Identity is a tricky thing as a Christian. We all get recognized for something but what happens when that one thing becomes too distracting for others to see God in you? It could be anything from a job, your style, hobbies, or your past. For me, I've realized it's my hair. 

     As funny as it sounds, lately I've been feeling like God has been sending me little messages here and there telling me my hair has got to go. Well, little messages AND very clear ones. I've been dying my hair since 6th grade so of course I came up with all the usual arguments... "but God a lot of people who aren't saved ask me about my hair!" or "God, my hair isn't making me or anyone else stumble... and it's ME" or even "it's just hair, so why ask for this when you know how much I love it?". And with every question there was a reply, "people should be asking you about ME", "you're identity should be in ME... I am a jealous God", "leave yourself and hold no idols above ME". 

     Ouch! For years I've had this crazy hair and part of what I love about it is that people who normally wouldn't speak to me walk straight to me to ask about it or tell me how much they like it. God has been asking that I humble myself, get rid of the daily ego-boost, and do something that people will ask about where I'll be forced to talk about His glory. Changing my hair would do exactly that. All my friends know that my hair is held in high regard in my life and going back to a plain brown would certainly raise some questions for anyone who has ever run into me. I've been asking God for months to show me what gets in the way of our relationship or what I haven't given up from my old life and He definitely showed me. Not to say that I couldn't go back to crazy hair later, but it has to go for now. And as I've told people that this has become a recent struggle they're also taking notice of how many people comment on my hot pink head on a daily basis. This may sound like something very trivial to many people but to me this is a HUGE deal... and God knows that. So He asked me, "Why are you holding onto this one small thing when I'm offering you so much more?"

     I'm losing myself daily. I must become less so that He may become more. So now the problem is how do I get back to the basics? I'm already on a tight budget. My hairstylist, who is also in love with the freedom he has in doing my hair, would probably kill me if I ever asked him to return me to my roots. I feel like everyday I hold off on doing this I'm postponing God's plan for my life and the nonprofit. So I'll continue to pray that if this is what He really wants He will provide a way. 

She knelt at his feet. She was crying and washed his feet with her tears. Then she dried his feet with her hair, kissed them over and over again, and poured the perfume on them. -Luke7:38

1 comment:

  1. You're beautiful regardless of hair color. Do what you think is best to achieve your goals. Stay strong. Stay beautiful. And God knows you're amazing no matter what your style... He's sees that heart that others don't necessarily see at first glance.